...But where do these characters actually come
from? "Our imaginations," insists Walliams. "I mean, it's a strange one, because
people often think that you will have met all of the people represented in the
show. Often, a certain person might inspire a little part of it. But then they
start to take on a life of their own.
"We just try to make each other laugh. That's
what we're directed by, really," Lucas elaborates. "David's very prolific at
that, I find. I do the typing and David does lots of talking, and walks
around...
"So, it's always the two of us, and what we
find funny, and you know if one of us has an idea, really we both have to kind
of like it, or at least believe in it to some extent, to start writing it. Which
is fine - it's when we're both laughing when we're writing that we know we're
really onto something.
"It's horrible when you've got characters who
people love, because they sort of want to see those characters, and the
challenge is to try and keep things fresh, and not either sell out the character
or change the situation too much."
Anne
Anne is a patient at the Steven Spielberg Psychiatric Hospital in Little
Bentcock, under the care of the progressive Dr Lawrence.
Despite her random screeching and random acts of destruction, Dr Lawrence
forges ahead with his programme to assimilate Anne into the community.
"Eh, eh, eh!"
Bubbles De Vere
'Bubbles',
real name 'Denise' De Vere was born in 1930 in Hull.
Bubbles seems to be on a permanent holiday at the Hill Grange Health Spa in
Trump.
She hasn't yet settled her bill and is constantly pursued by the spa manager, Mr
Hutton, to settle up. Mrs Bubbles Devere is not above using her feminine wiles
to divert attention away from her ever-increasing account.
"Call me Bubbles darling, everybody does"
"Very devious, don't you think"
Daffyd Thomas
Daffyd
was born in the small Welsh mining village of Llandewi Breffi. He left
school early in protest in not being allowed on stage 'Bent' as the end of year
school play.
Proud to be gay, Daffyd flaunts his sexuality in a variety of rubber outfits, to
the villagers' complete indifference. He refuses to accept he's not the only
'gayer' in the village, and is outraged when other gays walk anywhere near his
land.
"I'm the only gay in the village and that's that!"
Dennis Waterman
Many legends of stage and screen have graced the door of showbiz agent Jeremy
Rent, and you'll often find him having a little bit of trouble finding work for
client Dennis Waterman.
Teeny weeny Dennis keeps turning down scripts to TV shows because he always
wants to "star in it, write the feem toon, sing the feem toon", leaving Jeremy
somewhat exasperated.
Dudley and Ting Tong
On
the Mike McShane estate in Bruise, Dudley is excitedly looking forward to the
arrival of his new bride, Ting Tong Macadangdang, loving chosen from his 'Thai
Brides For You' brochure.
However, when she arrives, Ting Tong does not quite match the picture in the
brochure. In fact she could be prosecuted under the Trade Descriptions Act.
Incensed Dudley orders Ting Tong to leave, but with some subtle persuasion she
convinces him she can stay, just for one night…
Dame Sally Markham
Dame Sally is mistress of the romantic bodice-ripper novel.
In her huge country mansion, she reclines on her chaise longue and dictates her
latest masterpiece d'amour to her secretary, Miss Grace. Miss Grace is a simply
wonderful secretary - quite honestly, Dame Sally couldn't get by without her.
"How many pages?"
The De Veres
At
Hill Grange Health Spa, Bubbles De Vere gets a shock when she bumps into her
ex-husband, Roman De Vere, and his new wife, ex-Olympic gymnast Desiree, who are
honeymooning at the Spa.
Sparks fly as Bubbles comes face to face with the woman who destroyed her
marriage.
Emily Howard
Rubbish
transvestite, Emily Howard, might be no less ladylike than some of the other
genuinely female characters, but she certainly gets upset if you don't treat her
like a lady!
You may also notice Emily's other half - the one with the moustache, Florence.
These two real ladies are definitely not a couple of rubbish transvestites.
Merci beaucoup!
"I'm a lady!"
"I do ladies things... stroke kittens... and shit"
Mrs Emery
She's
a sweet old lady, always ready to stop and have a chat, whether it is at the
supermarket, the post office or in the street.
The only problem is her inability to control certain bodily functions.
Harvey and Jane
Harvey and Jane are a young couple in love, just like any other.
Only thing is, Harvey's a bit of a mummy's boy and just can't cut the apron
strings. As they plan their wedding and future lives together, everything stops
when Harvey wants bitty. And if mummy's got none left, nana's will do.
Kenny Craig
An obnoxious, charmless man, stage hypnotist Kenny Craig has no worries about
using his skills to get his own way.
He's not half as good as he thinks he is though, and most of the time, when his
victims look into his eyes, not around the eyes, look into his eyes, they're
only doing it to keep him happy.
Letty
She
just loves everything froggy: ornaments, tea towels, birthday cakes, cuddly toys
– in fact anything and everything frog-themed.
However, she has a rather violent reaction to the real thing…
Lou and Andy
Lou
Bob Todd is a helper to his wheelchair-using friend, Andy Pipkin. The caring Lou
seems unable to grasp that Andy does not need his wheelchair in any way. Just
keep an eye out when Andy's helper turns away...
"Yeah I know"
"I want that one"
"Monster trucks, monster trucks, monster trucks yeah!"
"That... one"
"What a kerfuffle"
Maggie and Judy
Women like Maggie and Judy are the very backbone of the place we call Britain.
Stalwarts of local womens' organisations and the Conservative Party, it's moral
guardians like these who have made Britain what it is today.
But you offend their sense of what is proper at your peril. One hint of a
lesbian marmalade and Maggie will project all her disapproval on you. Stand well
back.
Marjorie Dawes
Marjorie,
the leader of Fat Fighters is someone that doesn't mind expressing herself when
it comes to teaching her 'fatties' how to loose a few pounds. Vanessa Felts for
example, her fat fighters experience doesn't quite go to plan when Marjorie is
in the room...
"Everyone loves a bit of cake"
"Dust, anybody, no?"
Ray McCooney
Eccentric Scot Ray runs the Ye Olde Hotel in Scotland.
Like most Scottish people, Ray's not easy to communicate with, but in his case
it's because he's a bit mad. Living in some sort of fantasy medieval world, he's
incapable of giving a straight answer to a straight question, preferring instead
to express himself through the medium of dance.
"I'm hard yet soft, I am coloured yet clear, I am fruity and sweet. I am jelly.
What am I?"
Sebastian and Michael
Sebastian is the Prime Minister's aide, and loves him deeply.
Clingy, bitchy and insanely jealous, Sebastian wants nothing more than to have
the Prime Minister all to himself. The Prime Minister only just tolerates
Sebastian's erratic behaviour, but is largely oblivious to his aide's obsession
- even when Sebastian is forcibly slow-dancing with him to Careless Whisper.
Sir Norman Fry
Sir
Norman is the Member of Parliament for Little Fumble and has a perfect family:
he is happily married with three children and a dog.
What a shame that he has a rather unfortunate habit of getting caught in the
most unconstitutional of positions with strangers - nothing, however, that a
family press call won't sort out…
Sid Pegg
Sid
lives in Larchwood Close, Banalington, and is the chairman of the local
Neighbourly Watch Committee - which he runs with military precision, much to the
alarm and amusement of his fellow residents.
Any would-be vandals, litterbugs, or indeed caravan owners beware: Sid operates
a zero tolerance policy.
Vicky Pollard
Whether
nicking stuff from the supermarket or swapping her baby for a Westlife CD, Vicky
Pollard reacts to any accusation with indignant outrage, while filling you in on
'this fing wot you know nuffin about'.
"Yeah but, no but"
"There's, like, a
teenaged delinquent character in every country," Lucas says. "Every city has
characters like that. Although she's from Bristol, which is, you know, in
England, I imagine they're in Toronto, too. She's trailer trash. They're
everywhere." Check out Vicky
Pollard's CV.
Other Characters
include:
Mr Cleeves - Mr Cleeves is a
traditional-looking yet bizarre teacher at Kelsey Grammar School. Mr Cleeves
sets the pupils strange tasks such as finding the square root of Popeye or
setting a test on crisps. He also has trouble with reading.
The Record Breakers - At the end of each
show, two men, both called Ian, with bushy beards and thick jumpers, are trying
to set a world record but end up not meeting the requirements. For example,
"Most People in a Mini" attempt, where five people just squeeze in.
Gary and Jason - Gary and Jason are two
friends who always visit Gary's grandmother, on whom Jason has a crush. Jason
always tries to play on to Gary's grandmother, by wiping her spillings and
sucking her toes, the latter of which makes Gary and Jason fall out.
PC Bryce and PC Rawlinson -
Gives bad news and much confusion to Mrs Harris.
Warren -
At St Denise's Hospital, Warren's tearful family sit around his bedside
waiting as the old man takes his final breath; it can only be a matter of time –
only Warren isn't quite ready to pop his clogs just yet.
He's just got time to fit in one last café latte, oh, and a chocolate muffin if
they've got one...
Peter Andre - 'Royal
Correspondent for the BBC'.
Mr Mann - Mr Mann frequently enters a shop,
looking for something in particular. The shop, although it sells different items
each episode, is always run by the same man, named Roy (Lucas) The sketches'
trademarks are Mr Mann's absurdly specific or general requests and Roy's unseen
wife Margaret (played by Stirling Gallacher), who gives help from upstairs. She
apparently doesn't have any arms or legs. Mr Mann only appeared once in the
first series, but was a regular character in the second and third series.
Linda Flint - Linda is a university
counsellor who always has a student in her office asking for something, usually
course-related. Linda calls a man named Martin to grant the request and is asked
to describe the student in question. While she often begins with complimentary
descriptors, she ignorantly uses descriptions such as "big fat lesbian", "ching-chong
Chinaman" and "Oompa Loompa" after the kinder words fail, much to the shock of
the students in question. In the last episode of Series 3, all of the students
she had insulted in Series 2 and 3 came to tell her they had placed a formal
complaint about her, but she simply ignored them by calling Martin to talk about
it and referring to them as "the whole cast of Fraggle Rock".
Piano Player - The Piano Player is an
unnamed man who plays at the Uncle Albert Hall. He pauses in his recitals to say
or do mindless things, such as checking where his shopping bag is, to read a
text message, to tell someone that he forgot to set the video and ask when
Sainsbury's closes.
Liz and Clive - Liz and Clive are a
middle-aged couple who spend a lot of time eating in their local Chinese
restaurant. Liz frequently claims that she was a bridesmaid for Mollie Sugden,
which Clive does not like.
April May and Neville
Stephens - Both work together for St John's Ambulance. Famous for giving
their clients "mints" rather than tablets.
Cliff Robers - 'Fat
Fighters' slimmer of the Year. Best known for his role in the BBC comedy
'The Office' as 'Ali G'.
April and Neville - April (Walliams) and
Neville (Lucas) are two supposed First Aid experts. Neville is a young boy with
little experience, while April (with an exemplorary safety record of only four
deaths) is supposedly experienced, though she uses variety of mints instead of
medical procedures to treat patients. Although several sketches involving the
two characters were made, only one made the final cut because the creators
believed that the characters didn't work on the TV.
Dame Sally Malcome - A
novelist.
Des Kaye - Des Kaye is a rejected
children's TV host who works in a DIY store. He is often seen annoying the other
members of staff with his puppet (called Croc-O-Dile) and his frequent sayings
of "Wicky Woo".
Barry
Edwards - Records many
phone messages but cannot seem to find the perfect one...
Edward and Samantha Grant - Edward Grant
is a schoolteacher married to his ex-pupil Samantha. He claims that they share
an ordinary marriage just like any other, but he often treats her like a school
pupil, such as "The bell is a signal for me, not for you" upon the doorbell
ringing and "You copied Nigella Lawson's work!" upon Samantha's revelation that
she used a Nigella Lawson sorbet recipe.
Doug - Doug is a Scottish drugs
counsellor who, having had a past life with drugs, give out helpful (yet
abusive) advice to others.
Sir Bernard Chumley -
"I'm an actor yes" who cares for his sister Kitty.
Michael Dinner - Michael Dinner (also
known as The Posh Diner) is a man who is always seen in a restaurant. In each of
his sketches he is approached by a waiter and orders posh dishes, before
ordering something stupid (such as Um Bongo, Hubba Bubba or Monster Munch) as
the waiter walks away.
Dying Man - A man in hospital who keeps
saying goodbye to his relatives, but then not dying. In the end of the sketch,
he gets up to go to the toilet "before he goes".
Horse Whisperer - Horse Whisperer is a
man who owns a computer shop and talks to his horse whenever a customer asks him
for technical advice, he likes to touch and kiss the horse. The horse seems to
know about computers, but is clueless about iPods.
